Most Naruto Fics in a Nutshell
by NinjaGogeta
Summary: Oneshot! Another pointless little fic with no thought put into it. Satire of most Naruto fanfiction.


A young boy was being chased down the streets of Konhagakure by a generic mob. They held the typical, generic mob weapons- pitchforks and sticks. The boy finally tripped on a rock and the mob descended upon him.

'Why me?' the boy thought 'Why, o why must I be forced to take such violence? What did I ever doooooo?' as he took each hit, he grew weaker and weaker.

Suddenly half of the mob exploded into bloody chunks, and the rest turned around to see a giant robot staring at them.

"Why do you hurt this boy so?" the robot asked them. One particularly stupid man stepped forward.

"We are killing the vile demon, which so horridly and evilly killed our Hokage when it was 3 minutes old! This abomination must die! And so must you! Demon sympathiser!" and the man charged, and began to hit the robot on the leg with a stick. The robot just stared at him blankly, before bending down and flicking the fool, sending him flying into the air.

~Up In Godland~

"So…gonna help the kid?" Commander Shepard asked Kami. Kami just scoffed and looked at her hand of cards.

"Fuck no, why would I do that? I'm almighty Kami, why would I help a mortal?" she looked up "Anyone have any twos?"

"Yep," said Captain Kirk, handing Kami his entire hand. Bob Marley threw his hand onto the table.

"What?! I taut we were playing blackjack mon!" the dreadlocked singer yelled. Suddenly, the mob member flew up through the clouds and landed on an empty chair. "Hey mon, do ya know how ta play blackjack?" the man shook his head no "Well what use are ya den?" and with a push, Bob shoved the man out of the chair and he fell back down to earth.

"Anyone want to play exploding snap?"

~Back on earth~

Once the mob member landed, he noticed that the robot had killed the rest of the mob. Looking up weakly, he said "Who…are you?" the robot stared down at him.

"I am Optimus Prime" he pointed down at the man "And I died for your sins!" and with that he shot a laser from his finger tip and killed the mob member. Turning the child he bent down. "Hello child, are you ok?" Jumping to his feet the boy cheered.

"Wow mister that was so cool!"

"What's going on here?" turning around, the two of them saw the Hokage and a group of Anbu. Optimus turned to them.

"Why was this boy beaten so?"

"I can't say it's an S rank secret." Hokage answered.

"Please."

"Ok then. He contains the Kyuubi and people hate him for it."

"I shall take this boy and train him."

"I know nothing about you- who you are, where you came from, what your motives are, what _you_ are."

"I am the Yondaime's brother."

"Ok, go ahead then. I'll just accept that as fact and not be the slightest bit suspicious, having never heard of you and all. All I ask is that you bring him back to become a genni-"

"What? No fuck that shit." And so, Optimus picked up the child and ran away with him.

"Well…shit. Oh well boys let's go." As they left, one Anbu with spiky hair looked at the retreating robot.

"I'll find you, demon brat. You'll pay for making the Yondaime sacrifice his life willingly for the village, therefore saving us all, despite the fact you had no control over that and the Yondaime's genius seal making skills probably mean you're not the demon. You will pay."

And so, across the elemental nations, stories spread of a young boy, who went on to become the most powerful transformer the world had ever seen. He could make mountains explode by blinking, he wore all black, right down to his underwear, and he had a ten story long sword he could hold in one hand. He banged every single woman he met and solved world hunger, brought peace to the world and figured out the meaning of life. All before he was 12 years old.

The End

Well, that happened.

I got so tired of reading generic, overused plot devices and etc that I wrote this one shot.

Please people! Unite against generic stories! Rebel against unimaginative plots and overused concepts! Fight unoriginality and general meh-ness!

LONG LIVE CREATIVITY AND ORIGINALITY!


End file.
